GENIUS FORUMS

I've recently moved back to my parent's house, and I see a major pro and a major con I'd like to share.

Pro: I'm able to check my progress in "becoming a better person" as I'm once again presented with all the family conflicts bubbling up from the past. Particularly with my Dad, where my all out inner rage would be most likely to show, I'm now able to keep my cool to a much higher degree. I wasn't exactly sure I'd made any progress in that regard until I was "tested". Now I've become aware of some more subtle bubblings of non-clarity. I think there is still a root of me feeling defensive, and then attacking with emotional pain to get off the defensive. Not a good trait, but a good discovery.

Con: While it's good to check my work and see what else I have to do, I'm not entirely sure significant progress can be done in this environment. At least I'm scared it can't. It requires me becoming a different person under their noses. It is not only hard for them to accept, but also hard to pull off - for the same reason (changing preconditioned relationship dynamics is difficult).

I'm also wondering how "checking one's work" with the people of the past can be used as a helpful reassessment, and not as an ego boost to be proud of how far one has come. Potentially dangerous territory.

vague thread is vague.

skipair wrote:I've recently moved back to my parent's house, and I see a major pro and a major con I'd like to share.

Pro: I'm able to check my progress in "becoming a better person" as I'm once again presented with all the family conflicts bubbling up from the past. Particularly with my Dad, where my all out inner rage would be most likely to show, I'm now able to keep my cool to a much higher degree. I wasn't exactly sure I'd made any progress in that regard until I was "tested". Now I've become aware of some more subtle bubblings of non-clarity. I think there is still a root of me feeling defensive, and then attacking with emotional pain to get off the defensive. Not a good trait, but a good discovery.

Con: While it's good to check my work and see what else I have to do, I'm not entirely sure significant progress can be done in this environment. At least I'm scared it can't. It requires me becoming a different person under their noses. It is not only hard for them to accept, but also hard to pull off - for the same reason (changing preconditioned relationship dynamics is difficult).

I'm also wondering how "checking one's work" with the people of the past can be used as a helpful reassessment, and not as an ego boost to be proud of how far one has come. Potentially dangerous territory.

As long as you are paying your own way... i haven't a pro/con either way.

Paying your share of household expenses, electricity, heat, water, property taxes, car insurance, gas, etc... no problem!

However, to be on the "safe side" kick in an extra 19% for good measure. I mean, down to the penny... just do it!
Ask mom/pop what the averaged-expenses are every month why? - because money changes everything. It's just the right thing to do.

Also, wash the dishes, vacuum, dust(ugh!), wash floors, mow the damn lawn, help wash extra clothes (not mom's undies!) just pitch-in and go the extra mile. You won't make it on your own without learning all that i've commented on the above. The household chores gotta get done. Don't be a slob...

All this aside - be sure to have a tax-paying job!

Pay - your - own - way - in - life.

Do volunteer work, see how the other half lives.

Whether your parents are on "easy street" (wealthy) doesn't matter to me.
Middle class? - even more reason to pay your own way.
Poor? - better get two jobs...

You a druggie, drinker, smoker? You got problems...

We have one son who is having a tough go of it, had a difficult time leaving our "nest". He hit us up for a loan that would cover two-years of expenses to keep an apartment... about three months into "the agreement" he came back and wheedled us for a slightly-larger cash infusion to rent a house... he tired of all the wall-pounding, fights, door-slamming, different neighbor every month, etc chaos of multi-unit living. We agreed to "the deal", he is now on his own making do and paying us back little-by-little :-)

Our interest on the loan is 19% plus the rate of inflation :-) Hey! - it's family!
We're not hurting for money, it's the whole headache of it all.

He's got three part-time jobs and is slowly, "finding himself".

Speaking for myself, i got out of the parents nest when i was 15-1/2, i told my parents (growing up) that i wanted "out" at 16, they smiled and said "whatever"!
The girlfriend and i shacked up and we never returned (don't look back)

Everybody is different.

Stay away from TV, limit your time on the internet, communicate with them but don't hang in the living room too much.
Younger sisters/brothers - stay outta their way! Why? - because you moved back in and upset the apple cart... the intruder.

Get a job, and a second one to keep yourself busy. You have your whole life ahead of you to muse about philosophy. Your parents/siblings have their own struggles...


ps- You talk well, now you just have to live it. Just do it.



Tomas (the tank)
Prince of Jerusalem
16 Degree
Scottish Rite Free Mason


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Wow Tom, if only you put that much effort into actually addressing the dilemma Skipair is currently dealing with. Did you forget you were on "Genius Forum" and not "worldly matters"?

Tomas forgets he is in the real world, let alone Genius Forums.

Nick Treklis wrote:Wow Tom, if only you put that much effort into actually addressing the dilemma Skipair is currently dealing with. Did you forget you were on "Genius Forum" and not "worldly matters"?

If you hadn't noticed, it is on "worldly matters" too...

Nothing personal man, i thought about taking it apart sentence by sentence, but decided to go this way first.

Why don't you have at it instead of bitching at me and my way of addressing it?

Not only that, but i respond if it moves me to do so... i don't read everybody elses comments before i commit to a response. No touchy-feely games like you just have.

Nick, do you know how old Skip is?

Maybe he's already read the respondents comments... Average didn't much to say...

Yap, yap, yap at my heels... It's posted (and i'm responding) on 'Worldly Matters" see?

Get your collective act together.


ps- QRS rules!



Tomas (the tank)
VietNam veteran - 1971


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Carl G wrote:Tomas forgets he is in the real world, let alone Genius Forums.

Now Carl, don't be taking that tone with me :-|

Ditto for U-2 Carl, it's posted on "worldly matters"

But, but, but you need to respond straightaway to Skip's comments, not read everybody after his. Be original there, slick.

From here on out, it is cornmeal for you, no more oatmeal... Hahahah

I'll get daybrown after you - he will deal with you



Tomas


7


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average wrote:vague thread is vague.

Yeah, maybe he'll start a blog on this topic, well? Home sick blue boy.



Tomas


7


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Yeah, so the main point is that talking with others can be used as an ego-identification tool - especially those you've shared an emotional past with.

I think the tone Kevin and David use in the Reasoning Shows might be telling. There is almost zero sign of defensive or reactionary behavior. I can only pull that off if it's a topic I've studied inside and out, or if it is an unchallenging discussion. I'm guessing wherever emotions start to bubble up is a sign that one is close to an attachment and non-clarity.

In the case of my Dad, or someone who potentially caries a lot of emotional weight, non-clarity can be amplified and discovered. Or, at least that's what I've found.

The other point is that while it's an ego-identification of me, it's also an ego-identification for them, which they don't like to be aware of. The more I stop emotionally supporting them, the less use they have for me. So it goes.