GENIUS FORUMS

HUNTEDvsINVIS wrote:I have come to the conclusion that people want blood and pain

Yes they do, but they don't deserve your blood. You need to go to the hospital right now and get medication, because the monsters out there do not deserve your pain either. Torture them with your happiness - even if it is only medication induced happiness. Call the emergency line. Now.
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HUNTEDvsINVIS wrote:My brains must MUST splatter open on the pavement

Keep in mind that this may not kill you. I have fallen from the ceiling of a warehouse, and it only knocked the wind out of me. You could crack your head open, and cause brain damage, but then you will only be less of a person than you are now. You don't want to end up drooling in a nursing home with someone changing your diapers - with awareness that you used to be able to do more for yourself. Or end up as a quadraplegic, an itchy nose, and having to wait for someone to scratch your nose for you.

Kevin Solway wrote:For there to be wise men, there must first be men.

To alter Kevin's statement: To want to live a wise life, one must first want to live.
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Hunted, you are seriously depressed. Brings back awful memories.

Listen to E's advice and get some meds. You owe yourself another chance. As hard as it is to believe, in 20 years your life could be heaven, and you missed it all.

I'm speaking from experience, btw.

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in fact, things are getting too horrible for me to continue this existence. The past is just always there. I think it is time to go. I was ill for a long time, my life was ruined for most of my teenage years, and now I am a mess and I don't understand my own age group. Disappointments have slashed me to the point of no return. The smartest people and the dumbest people I have ever known have become one. And to tell you the truth, I was actually insane for a long time, and when I snapped into the real world I could not handle it. Constructed, brain washed and abandoned by the people I love, I am a freak and that is the whole truth of the matter.

Hunted, I am sorry. I have tasted this kinda thing before in my own life. It's a shame how much other people's opinions affect us, and it's a bigger shame how oblivious everyone is to this fact. I hope you find your peace.

Hunted, I am forced to agree with Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth and I agree, one should mark the date on a calendar, and then listen because that's so rare it must mean something :)

Hi, sorry for the overtly emotional posts. I am still here. I have backed out of the attempt, I am too scared of failing it again like I have twice last year. I have a chemical imbalance, some days I wake up happy and some days I wake up terrified of everything in my life and of myself. Plus, it sounded a bit ungrateful and stupid of me to mention the courage and will-power of the footbacks and toehands and then to just turn around and want to give up all the comforts and chances that I have in my life ( though of course the footbacks have been used to their differences and coping strategies since they were born, I used to always think I was normal ). And you guys are right, nothing puts people more in their place and shuts them up more than a confidant and happy smart and good-looking person. Sure, I get the jealous/dumb ones every day, who know my insecurities and try to magnify it for me. And I will exploit the system, for every bit that it it worth, if societies insist on crappy capitalist blood-hungry citizens, I will play the game, I might as well, it's never really been a contest for me in life, I only ever felt sorry for people, I never thought they were better than me. I just tried to help everyone, and if people are too dumb to see the advantages of such systems, they don't deserve such systems in people.

Hunted,

I have a chemical imbalance, some days I wake up happy and some days I wake up terrified of everything in my life and of myself.

I also have a chemical imbalance that affects my brain functions, and it is very curable. No point in getting bent out of shape over a curable condition.

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Shahrazad wrote: I also have a chemical imbalance that affects my brain functions, and it is very curable. No point in getting bent out of shape over a curable condition.

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Adding to that - it often (in fact I'd venture to guess usually) takes several attempts to find the correct drug or combination of drugs. At any rate, I am glad you are still here, and doing better.

HUNTEDvsINVIS wrote:some days I wake up happy and some days I wake up terrified of everything in my life and of myself.

Please tell me that you are getting your meds adjusted. It isn't okay to wake up suicidal sometimes. This is going to sound hypocritical as hell, but sometimes we can't just reason our way into a better mindset. Last week, I had to go back on meds myself, and I didn't realize how bad I'd been feeling for the last five or six months until I started feeling better. I recognized that I was considering suicide every day, but I didn't consider it depression because I was thinking about it logically and didn't really feel depressed. In your case, you sound like you're on a bit of a roller coaster. Although there is a certain freedom of being okay with being dead, the rest of the freedom comes with being okay with being alive.

HUNTEDvsINVIS wrote:Plus, it sounded a bit ungrateful and stupid of me to mention the courage and will-power of the footbacks and toehands and then to just turn around and want to give up all the comforts and chances that I have in my life

The challenges they face are different from the challenges that you face. Your needs are just as valid as theirs, even though yours are less outwardly visible. You are, though, responsible for meeting your own needs by recognizing what help you need and attempting to get that help.

HUNTEDvsINVIS wrote:Sure, I get the jealous/dumb ones every day, who know my insecurities and try to magnify it for me.

Then work on ridding yourself of your insecurities. If they have nothing to pick at, they can't magnify those things.

HUNTEDvsINVIS wrote:And I will exploit the system, for every bit that it it worth, if societies insist on crappy capitalist blood-hungry citizens, I will play the game, I might as well,

I can't picture that making you happy. What we have the most control over in our lives is who we are. Giving in to a system we hate only makes us hate ourselves.

HUNTEDvsINVIS wrote:I just tried to help everyone, and if people are too dumb to see the advantages of such systems, they don't deserve such systems in people.

You are right. I spent way too many years sacrificing myself for ungrateful others who only saw that as a "victim" sign on my head. Having healthy boundaries of our own is part of being just, and helpful to others. Sometimes people need to learn to take care of themselves and behave properly by experiencing that others will not put up with their bullshit. By allowing them to treat you badly or take advantage of you, you are teaching them by example that it is okay to do these things. By giving in to them, you are reinforcing their bad behavior. By taking care of yourself, a byproduct is being truly helpful to others.
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I'm starting to get the impression that just about everybody on this board (and several others I visit) is on disability and/or meds.

I find that amazing, but plenty of good advice available then, it seems, for any who need that sort of course corrector.

E,

This is going to sound hypocritical as hell, but sometimes we can't just reason our way into a better mindset.

Hah, hah, hah! You're right, it sounds hypocritical. But at the same time, you're being honest now.

I recognized that I was considering suicide every day, but I didn't consider it depression because I was thinking about it logically and didn't really feel depressed.

BTW, I always knew you were depressed. Having no hope or enjoyment of life while not being down is just not something that I can swallow.

People express depression in different ways; some get angry instead of sad. Others get anxious.

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Carl,

I'm starting to get the impression that just about everybody on this board (and several others I visit) is on disability and/or meds.

I hope you realize though, it's not the same thing at all -- not even similar.

I'm on meds for life, btw. It is as if I were a diabetic. And I refuse to let other people make me feel inferior because of it.

Which one are you in Carl, meds or disability?

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Shahrazad wrote:CG: I'm starting to get the impression that just about everybody on this board (and several others I visit) is on disability and/or meds.

Shah: I hope you realize though, it's not the same thing at all -- not even similar.

What, disability and meds? Yah, one is a stipend and the other a pill. But the conditions involved are sort of similar, no?

Do you not find it interesting that the group is largely made up of people with tendencies to depression and other mental disorders? Is this a pattern among truth seekers? A requisite of sorts? Is it possible to seek truth otherwise? Is David on meds, too?

I'm on meds for life, btw. It is as if I were a diabetic. And I refuse to let other people make me feel inferior because of it.

Refusal noted.

Which one are you in Carl, meds or disability?

Neither.

No, David is not on meds, and it appears that the only thing resembling depression was that period outlined in Letters Between Enemies when he first immersed himself in a life of truth.
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Carl,

Do you not find it interesting that the group is largely made up of people with tendencies to depression and other mental disorders?

I don't find it all that interesting any more, as I noticed the pattern long ago. When I posted at KIR years ago, I did a depression poll where hundreds voted, and over 75% of posters were either seriously depressed or had dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts. Highly intelligent people have higher-than-average depression and suicide rates. Perhaps because we find it harder to conform to society's rules?

Is this a pattern among truth seekers? A requisite of sorts? Is it possible to seek truth otherwise?

Well, you're a seeker, aren't you? And you are not nuts.

If you're asking me if I think there's a correlation, the answer is a definite yes. But as you know, correlation does not equal causality.

Q: Which one are you in Carl, meds or disability?

A: Neither.

Impressive indeed. You have my congrats. In case we ever need a sane person for legal reasons, I'll keep that in mind.

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Carl G wrote:Do you not find it interesting that the group is largely made up of people with tendencies to depression and other mental disorders? Is this a pattern among truth seekers? A requisite of sorts? Is it possible to seek truth otherwise? Is David on meds, too?

Why would David be on meds? He doesn't have a mental disorder other than AIS.

QRS is med free (in a psychological sense).

What is AIS? I thought he has only been diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder.

Oh, sorry, AIS is not really known to the medical community. It stands for Acute Involuntary Sanity.

Has anyone ever really looked at the criteria for schizoid personality disorder? It looks like the perfect description of any truly sane person.

A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

# neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family

# almost always chooses solitary activities has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person

# takes pleasure in few, if any, activities

# lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives

# appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

If Jesus were alive today he would be diagnosed with this.

Actually, the above is the American description. The European version is even more interesting:

Personality disorder characterized by at least 3 of the following:

(a) few, if any, activities, provide pleasure;
(b) emotional coldness, detachment or flattened affectivity;
(c) limited capacity to express either warm, tender feelings or anger towards others;
(d) apparent indifference to either praise or criticism;
(e) little interest in having sexual experiences with another person (taking into account age);
(f) almost invariable preference for solitary activities;
(g) excessive preoccupation with fantasy and introspection;
(h) lack of close friends or confiding relationships (or having only one) and of desire for such relationships;
(i) marked insensitivity to prevailing social norms and conventions.

Yep, that's David alrighty! Wisdom is definitely a mental disorder. Take away the ego and the above is to be expected. I mean, indifference to praise or blame is a criterion for a mental disorder? Can't it also be one for sanity and intelligence? What is wrong with these people?

And on that last point - doesn't a psychiatrist adopt just such a mentality when dealing with patients? Isn't he immune to praise and blame from them? Is he thereby demonstrating a disorder or simple sanity? Why can't a person view humanity as a whole in this way without it being an indicator of a mental disorder? It's just more evidence that humanity ought be viewed this way.

So in other words, in order to be considered a sane person you have to...

(a) Always display emotion when performing activities.
(b) Display emotion, just for the sake of displaying emotion.
(c) React emotionally towards people around you.
(d) React egotistically when complimented or critisized.
(e) Be sexually active.
(f) Prefer company over solitude more than not.
(g) Not think too much.
(h) Needlessly cling on to people for no apparent reason other than to cling.
(i) Follow the crowd.

I guess I'm completely off my rocker.

Dan,

The way that you put all this sounds defensive, so there is something that I want to state.

Whatever we may have been born with, or whatever may have happened to us that may require us to be on psyc meds either permanently or intermittantly, does not preclude a state of wisdom. What we do about it is the important thing.

Trevor is open about his bipolar, and comparing his early posts to his posts when he got on proper medication, we can see that he is much wiser when properly medicated. It is no different from someone with diabetes or a heart condition. Different bodies require different things to function optimally.

Neither the body nor the brain is the mind. I want to make sure that no one is being dismissed, even indirectly, for having to take any kind of medication, or having had any kind of diagnosis.
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I've noticed the correlation between being on disability and being active on message boards, as well. However, I suggest a different connection - being on disability means you're not spending the majority of your time at a job or whatever and thus have more time to be active on the board.

It's probably a combination of the two though.

And as another example Dan, if you had to go on antidepressants or anything, no one with any amount of wisdom would think any less of you for it.

QRS is med free (in a psychological sense).

Yes, that is why Carl said that the group members are either on meds or on disability.

I don't think anyone was implying that those on disability are necessarily insane, only that they will be classified as such.