GENIUS FORUMS

Here is a story written by a fellow named Andy Weir.

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

What do you think about it?

The yolk's on you.

Over easy.

I kinda like it.

Libraries are oozing this line of thought out of their New Age or Science Fiction sections: fantastic food for fetuses.

Diebert van Rhijn wrote:Libraries are oozing this line of thought out of their New Age or Science Fiction sections: fantastic food for fetuses.

Ecclesiastes 1:9 The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.

Four friends meet one winter's evening by the fire and start talking about their adventures.
"Once I has hunting on a mountain alone," says one. "The night was so silent I could not sleep because of the noise of my beard growing!"
"That's nothing!" replies the second one. "I was hunting with a friend up north on the mountain. It was so cold that when we spoke our words would become ice. We had to melt them on the fire to hear what we were saying!"
"Ah, that's nothing!" boasts the third. "Just last month my stomach had to be operated upon because of my sex life!"
"Your sex life?!" the others exclaim in wonder.
"Yes, you see, day after day I have licked and sucked so many women that I had an enormous lump of hairs in my stomach!"
After a few moments of silence the fourth guy says: "Well, your experiences are just games compared to what has happened to me! Years ago with five other friends I crossed Canada, an unexplored country at that time, and we were attacked by wild Indians. One by one all my friends were killed until only I remained alive -- a lone figure surrounded by corpses. Then after a bloody fight...."
"What happened?" ask the others in awe.
"The only thing that could have happened -- I was killed. And here I am in spirit!"

Never give power to anything a person believes is their source of strength - jufa

Diebert van Rhijn wrote:Libraries are oozing this line of thought out of their New Age or Science Fiction sections: fantastic food for fetuses.

At least its food, right? Most of the information people get isn't real food at all, but just sugar. Not very suitable for growth.

jufa wrote:Four friends meet one winter's evening by the fire and start talking about their adventures.
"Once I has hunting on a mountain alone," says one. "The night was so silent I could not sleep because of the noise of my beard growing!"
"That's nothing!" replies the second one. "I was hunting with a friend up north on the mountain. It was so cold that when we spoke our words would become ice. We had to melt them on the fire to hear what we were saying!"
"Ah, that's nothing!" boasts the third. "Just last month my stomach had to be operated upon because of my sex life!"
"Your sex life?!" the others exclaim in wonder.
"Yes, you see, day after day I have licked and sucked so many women that I had an enormous lump of hairs in my stomach!"
After a few moments of silence the fourth guy says: "Well, your experiences are just games compared to what has happened to me! Years ago with five other friends I crossed Canada, an unexplored country at that time, and we were attacked by wild Indians. One by one all my friends were killed until only I remained alive -- a lone figure surrounded by corpses. Then after a bloody fight...."
"What happened?" ask the others in awe.
"The only thing that could have happened -- I was killed. And here I am in spirit!"

Never give power to anything a person believes is their source of strength - jufa

Four engineers are in a car out on a business trip together. Suddenly, the car dies and rolls to a halt. From the back seat, the chemical engineer says, “We might be out of gas. Luckily I have a full two-gallon can in the trunk.” “I don’t know,” says the mechanical engineer, sitting next to him. “I thought I heard a belt snap just before we stopped. The good news is I think we have a spare one.” From the front passenger side, the electrical engineer says, “The dash lights went out. I think we must have a dead battery. We can call for a service jump.” After a moment, the driver, a computer engineer says, “Let’s all get out of the car and get back in again and see if that works.”

Last Rites

An old man was laying on his bed near death, and all of his family was in the room gathered around him.

The man's family had summoned the preacher to come and be by the man's side, to comfort him and prepare him for his long journey into the night. The preacher arrived and asked the family if they would please wait in the next room so that he could have some time alone with the man.

Standing by the bed and looking over the man, the preacher whispered firmly to him, "Denounce the devil! Let him know just how little it is that you think of this world, and of his evil."

The dying man looked up at the preacher and stared, but said nothing.

The preacher held the man up and still quietly, but a little more firmly, repeated his order; "Denounce the devil! Denounce his evil! Tell him that you will stand firm in the grace of our Lord.

Again the dying man looked at the preacher, but said nothing.

The preacher then shook the man, this time demanding that he acknowledge the victory over the devil, and his evil.

Still, all that the dying man would do was to stare at the preacher, saying nothing.

Exasperated, the preacher shook his head and pleaded with the dying man, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

Finally the dying man sat up and said to the preacher, "Look, until I know where I'm heading, I really don't think that it's a very good idea to aggravate anybody."

Long ago two Indian tribes lived on opposite shores of a great lake. Every twelve years all the members of one tribe would set off in their canoes for a journey across the lake, to join with the other tribe in a celebration. Day and night the strong men would paddle the canoes filled with their women and children, food and gifts, to reach the distant shore. It was a dangerous journey. When the two tribes finally joined together, they celebrated a festival of life for an entire month. When the festival was over, the tribes separated and returned to their daily lives.

The chief of the tribe that traveled across the lake had a strong, brave son who had recently grown into a young man. During the festival this son took notice of a beautiful young maiden. She was the daughter of the other chief.

The young man soon fell in love with her even though they never exchanged a word. He made enquiries and learned that she was promised to another, from her own tribe.

Yet, in his heart the young man knew that she had fallen in love with him. Every time he looked in her direction he saw her beautiful eyes gazing at him, then she would quickly glance downward, a demure smile teasing at her full lips.

He burned with desire for the young woman. He could think of nothing else but how perfect his life would be with her.

All too soon the festival ended and it was time for the two tribes to part. In a daze, for now he was completely in love, the young man climbed back into his canoe. With the rest of his tribe set off across the lake, returning home. All during the journey he regretted leaving, for he longed to see the face of his beloved. His heart filled with despair at the thought of never seeing her again, and that she might marry another.

The young man's father was a wise man. He saw many things. He saw the turmoil in his son, and he saw the potential for disaster. He knew that his son would be tempted to make a return journey and claim the young woman for his own. This would lead to blood, and that would cause trouble between the two tribes for many future generations. So when the journey home was over and everyone was safe on land again, the chief ordered that all the canoes be burned.

However, the chief underestimated his son's desire. The young man became obsessed, so much so that one night he rose from his bed and waded out into the lake. He began to swim to the opposite shore.

His rational mind remembered the great distance across the water, that the journey had been difficult by canoe. But he was also convinced that the power of his love would carry him across the water. He trusted that love would give him a magical strength to reach the one he loved.

He swam for a very long time, far out into the lake, but eventually swimming in the cold water exhausted his energy.

And then he drowned.

Yet the power of the young man's desire lived on in legend. Stories were told of his romantic deed. In time the legend grew so strong that the lake was named in memory of the young man. To this day the lake bears the name ...

Lake Stupid.