GENIUS FORUMS

I've figured out my problem! I'm having a mid-life crisis. I'm bored as fuck, I moved into a new apartment and bought a bunch of new furniture that I'll probably never use, I now drink daily, I got a girlfriend who is totally immature and doesn't do anything for me at all . . . I'm just not myself anymore. So, if you're wondering what a mid-life crisis is like, just ask, because I'm going through one right now! :)

Matt Gregory wrote:I've figured out my problem! I'm having a mid-life crisis. I'm bored as fuck, I moved into a new apartment and bought a bunch of new furniture that I'll probably never use, I now drink daily, I got a girlfriend who is totally immature and doesn't do anything for me at all . . . I'm just not myself anymore.

Is this just a recent girlfriend, or someone you've been with for a few years? I'm guessing her influence might have had something to do with all of the new furniture. A buddy of mine just experienced the same thing - moved in with a new girlfriend he hadn't been with for very long, and bought a bunch of furniture with her. And now he's unhappy 'cause he's stuck sharing expenses.

So, if you're wondering what a mid-life crisis is like, just ask, because I'm going through one right now! :)

Sure, I'm curious what your experience is like...

But I thought a mid-life crisis usually involved having a family life you've been working at developing and maintaining for 10-20 years, suddenly fall apart, a divorce, kids all grown up, out of control debt, etc.

In your case, it sounds like you just dove into something rather quickly, and are now regretting it. Not quite a midlife crises, but maybe just a really rash series of decisions? How old are you, Matt?

Mid-life crisis has nothing to do with family or girlfriends. It's basically a man's version of menopause. It is a shift in perspective involving the ending of youth, a lowering of testosterone, a taking stock of ideals vs. reality, and the various adjustments ensuing, some practical, some pathological.

If Matt's having a mid-life crisis one can only assume he doesn't plan on getting old. Seems to me he finds himself continually fighting the content of this particular "crisis". What makes this one different, Matt?

Cory Duchesne wrote:

Matt Gregory wrote:I've figured out my problem! I'm having a mid-life crisis. I'm bored as fuck, I moved into a new apartment and bought a bunch of new furniture that I'll probably never use, I now drink daily, I got a girlfriend who is totally immature and doesn't do anything for me at all . . . I'm just not myself anymore.

Is this just a recent girlfriend, or someone you've been with for a few years?

Two months.

I'm guessing her influence might have had something to do with all of the new furniture. A buddy of mine just experienced the same thing - moved in with a new girlfriend he hadn't been with for very long, and bought a bunch of furniture with her. And now he's unhappy 'cause he's stuck sharing expenses.

Well, I didn't move in with her, but I did move into a bigger apartment (not because of her) and bought furniture because of her because I had a twin bed and it was a pain when she slept over. I also bought a sofa and a chair for the living room. It put me in debt, but it's not a big deal.

So, if you're wondering what a mid-life crisis is like, just ask, because I'm going through one right now! :)

Sure, I'm curious what your experience is like...

But I thought a mid-life crisis usually involved having a family life you've been working at developing and maintaining for 10-20 years, suddenly fall apart, a divorce, kids all grown up, out of control debt, etc.

In your case, it sounds like you just dove into something rather quickly, and are now regretting it. Not quite a midlife crises, but maybe just a really rash series of decisions?

Well, I've always had Truth as my number one priority, so I've never been able to take dating very seriously. I went without a girlfriend for ten years before this happened. I was just thinking and trying to overcome ignorance. It was going pretty well until a few years ago, when I had a sudden drop in productivity. I just haven't been able to care that much about philosophy in the last three or four years, so I've been trying to figure out why and what keeps me attached to the world. Another thing that's been happening over the years is an increase in boredom with everything and everyone. Almost nothing entertains me anymore. So my exploration of the ego is actually working as planned, but damn it's really getting to me now! :)

So, my decisions weren't really as rash as they appear - I've been putting off getting a girlfriend as the absolute last resort because as a rule I don't like getting others involved in my life. But the mid-life crisis has been going on for a few years now, at least by my understanding of what a mid-life crisis is. Maybe I got it wrong - I was kind of drunk reading that Wikipedia article :) But the overriding characteristic of my life right now is just sheer boredom and the lack of drive to do anything productive.

How old are you, Matt?

35

Carl G wrote:Mid-life crisis has nothing to do with family or girlfriends. It's basically a man's version of menopause. It is a shift in perspective involving the ending of youth, a lowering of testosterone, a taking stock of ideals vs. reality, and the various adjustments ensuing, some practical, some pathological.

That sounds like what I'm going through.

Dan Rowden wrote:If Matt's having a mid-life crisis one can only assume he doesn't plan on getting old. Seems to me he finds himself continually fighting the content of this particular "crisis". What makes this one different, Matt?

What do you mean? This has been going on for a few years. It's just reaching critical mass right now or something.

Matt: have you hit any slumps in your environment? Lack of creativity, lack of potential for procreation, etc...?

I've definitely experienced a lack of creativity. I used to play synthesizers and guitar and write and record music, I used to write computer programs, but I got bored with all that. I'm not sure what you mean by lack of potential for procreation. I don't see myself having a problem getting women or anything.

Matt Gregory wrote:I've been putting off getting a girlfriend as the absolute last resort

Oh good grief! Are you just asking for some misery and drama in your life? Getting into a romantic relationship as a last resort to fix a problem has got to be THE recipe for disaster. The only chance for a healthy relationship is between 2 healthy people. You needed a counselor, not a girlfriend.

Matt Gregory wrote:I got a girlfriend who is totally immature and doesn't do anything for me at all

So break up with her before you get yourself into some deep trouble. I'm not sure if the EAP is just Florida or national, but you might get 3 - 6 counseling sessions free as part of your employee benefits (even if you just work part time) if you work for a large employer.

Elizabeth Isabelle wrote:

Matt Gregory wrote:I've been putting off getting a girlfriend as the absolute last resort

Oh good grief! Are you just asking for some misery and drama in your life?

I live where the wind bites keenest!

Getting into a romantic relationship as a last resort to fix a problem has got to be THE recipe for disaster. The only chance for a healthy relationship is between 2 healthy people. You needed a counselor, not a girlfriend.

Elizabeth, did you forget what forum you're on or what? Your idea of mental health is where I already am and trying to overcome.

I feel for you, Matt. I probably can't give you any useful advice, but you have my sympathy as you work through this. It sounds similar to things I was going through a few years back. (I'm 45.) Some of it is stuff to which there is no "solution." It's just life.

Matt Gregory wrote: Another thing that's been happening over the years is an increase in boredom with everything and everyone. Almost nothing entertains me anymore. So my exploration of the ego is actually working as planned, but damn it's really getting to me now! :)

Perhaps you should explore why you have this need to be entertained. I know my own need for entertainment (and drive to be "productive" - always engaged in some project) has dropped off quite a bit in recent years.

It goes against the American psyche to be content with what you have, and not be striving to achieve something, to not be ambitious. It feels aimless, like you aren't going anywhere. You know you could make up some goals- start a project - but why? It's just some random thing, it doesn't really matter if you do it or not. So it's easy to get bored. Yeah?

I've definitely experienced a lack of creativity. I used to play synthesizers and guitar and write and record music, I used to write computer programs, but I got bored with all that.

Might this "used to" be a cause, or is it the effect? Does a mid-life crisis prevent you from picking up a new medium to experiment with, or is there something about aging that makes it hard to find the motivation?

I'm not sure what you mean by lack of potential for procreation. I don't see myself having a problem getting women or anything.

I meant: has there been a change in the fertility of the women? Are the women less fertile?

Okay Trevor, I can see what you're getting at now . . . just forget my last reply to you.

Because I've always been a spiritual person, my "mid-life crisis" or whatever was triggered by changes in that, instead of the family-oriented stuff that triggers it in most other people. I had a peak experience a few years ago and afterwards slowly lost confidence in myself as I realized that on a deeper level I don't really want to be enlightened. So that's the "fertility" that I lost.

DHodges wrote:It goes against the American psyche to be content with what you have, and not be striving to achieve something, to not be ambitious. It feels aimless, like you aren't going anywhere. You know you could make up some goals- start a project - but why? It's just some random thing, it doesn't really matter if you do it or not. So it's easy to get bored. Yeah?

Yeah, I know what you're saying, and I might still be grappling with that American/industrial mentality a little bit. But I think ever since I worked on this huge computer program a few years ago and pushed myself to the max on that, it's flipped for me and become more of a revulsion towards any project. It's weird.

Matt,

Because I've always been a spiritual person, my "mid-life crisis" or whatever was triggered by changes in that, instead of the family-oriented stuff that triggers it in most other people. I had a peak experience a few years ago and afterwards slowly lost confidence in myself as I realized that on a deeper level I don't really want to be enlightened.

Hahaha, that's the ever-present problem for all of us. How to deal with that massive chunk of ourselves that wants absolutely nothing to do with enlightenment? It goes to the heart of all spiritual trial.

If a person isn't experiencing this deep repulsion on a regular basis, then he is either very, very inspired and wise, or else he has no real connection to spiritual truth at all.

-

I'm in a similar boat to Matt. Philosophy and our modern ability to access a vast amount and range of entertainment and information (which builds an "interest" resistence), drug use etc can make one quite nihilistic and disinterested.

I wonder if meditation might help. Never tried mediation and perhaps never will - it is too boring!

http://dericbownds.net/2006/06/attentio ... ution.html

The Attention Revolution
Wallace presents meditative techniques developed by contemplatives for millennia that have attentional stability as their core element. They enhance the capacity for attention, and strengthen this mental ability as as we might strengthen our muscles through physical exercise. Their goal is to counter the oscillation between the restlessness and boredom, or between the agitation and dullness, of the untrained mind.

Amazon Page
Book Description
Shamatha meditation is a method for achieving previously inconceivable levels of concentration. Author B. Alan Wallace, an active participant in the much-publicized dialogues between Buddhists and scholars, has more than 20 years’ practice in the discipline, some of it under the guidance of the Dalai Lama. This book is a definitive presentation of his knowledge of shamatha. It is aimed at the contemporary seeker who is distracted and defocused by the dizzying pace of modern life, as well as those suffering from depression and other mental maladies. Beginning by addressing the inherent problems that follow from an inability to focus, Wallace moves on to explore varying levels of meditation. The result is an interior travelogue that recounts an exciting, rewarding "expedition of the mind," tracing everything from the confusions at the bottom of the trail to the extraordinary clarity and power that come with making it to the top.

.


-tomas-
Ahh, finally some pixels worth going after (and getting down on) in a bad way :-{


-mr. helms-
"Matt Gregory" I've figured out my problem!


-tomas-
This should be good.


-mr. helms-
I'm having a mid-life crisis.


-tomas-
Now where's that bottle of anti-depressants Elizabeth (thin lizzy) emailed your way?


-mr. helms-
I'm bored as fuck, I moved into a new apartment and bought a bunch of new furniture that I'll probably never use,


-tomas-
Get a 2nd job and do your furniture-buying at Goodwill, or some type of variable. (give away the new stuff)


-mr. helms-
I now drink daily,


-tomas-
Fawk. Better yet, think about doing some moonlight job, yup, a 3rd place of employment.


-mr. helms-
I got a girlfriend who is totally immature and doesn't do anything for me at all


-tomas-
Yeah right, blame the ho. She loves you for your sucking on a bottle, and not her fun box. How many Viagra prescriptions you got?


-mr. helms-
I'm just not myself anymore.


-tomas-
Fawking loser!!


-mr. helms-
So, if you're wondering what a mid-life crisis is like, just ask, because I'm going through one right now! :)


-tomas-
Have some contacts i can put you in touch with... for $100 American, a sadistic token fee. They'll gladly break your arms and legs - put you in a wheechair for a couple few months.

Your girlfriend can keep the apartment as you'll have some extra cash (because you won't be able to fetch yer daily bottle of booze).

You? She'll keep you in the closet, or the storage shed, whatever she thinks is "best for our well-being".


mr. helms, get a fawking life, already!


ps- Geez, talk about some pathetic people on this forum.




tomas (the tank)
VietNam veteran - 1971



.

Matt wrote:

Because I've always been a spiritual person, my "mid-life crisis" or whatever was triggered by changes in that, instead of the family-oriented stuff that triggers it in most other people. I had a peak experience a few years ago and afterwards slowly lost confidence in myself as I realized that on a deeper level I don't really want to be enlightened.

Then Quinn wrote:

Hahaha, that's the ever-present problem for all of us. How to deal with that massive chunk of ourselves that wants absolutely nothing to do with enlightenment? It goes to the heart of all spiritual trial.

If a person isn't experiencing this deep repulsion on a regular basis, then he is either very, very inspired and wise, or else he has no real connection to spiritual truth at all.

I know what you’re both are talking about, I go through periods of intense clarity where I don’t want anything at all, and things are great, but then suddenly I’ll regress, and start questioning and doubting everything, and I’ll become severed from the infinite so to speak. And because one has become so conscious of suffering, then the pain seems much more real and immediate.

Sometimes if the regression is too intense, I’ll actually indulge in some sort of extreme escapism like a romantic relationship or just sexual binges with young and attractive women. However, the common theme I see in myself is always the same, namely when the connection from the infinite has taken place, the forsaken one (me) always runs back into the arms of a woman, at least only temporarily, until I grow weary of her, and I’m strong enough again to leave in solitude.

This happens because I think the fact of eternal solitude can be so frightening and overwhelming sometimes that the comfort of woman makes an effective temporary pacifier.

Hopefully I will grow stronger as the years go by, I’m still quite young yet.

Ryan R wrote:However, the common theme I see in myself is always the same, namely when the connection from the infinite has taken place, the forsaken one (me) always runs back into the arms of a woman, at least only temporarily, until I grow weary of her, and I’m strong enough again to leave in solitude.

Consider another view: that you're bouncing back and forward between what are basically different sides of the same coin. Your 'connection' with the infinite still has too much the shape of a bottle, or a woman, only dressed up better. This way it becomes unavoidable that you start cheating, even on your own wisdom.

Diebert wrote:

Consider another view: that you're bouncing back and forward between what are basically different sides of the same coin. Your 'connection' with the infinite still has too much the shape of a bottle, or a woman, only dressed up better. This way it becomes unavoidable that you start cheating, even on your own wisdom.

I don’t follow Diebert, let me try to explain it a different way.

I can spend many months at a time in deep solitude with very little relationship with anyone, and experience the depths of clarity, but suddenly, terror sets in, suddenly I don’t want it anymore, suddenly I doubt the infinite, the worth of it, I imagine myself in this state indefinitely, and I react, I want anything but the state I’m in, Suddenly I want to have a connection with something that is other than what I am, and this is where the whole pursuit of the feminine comes in.

Ryan R wrote:suddenly I doubt the infinite, the worth of it,

I don't understand what you mean by this. If it's saying what I think it's saying, then you are seeing something other than the Infinite.

Ryan R wrote:Suddenly I want to have a connection with something that is other than what I am,

but if you were truly connected to the Infinite, you would see that there isn't anything that is not what you are.

Ryan R wrote:this is where the whole pursuit of the feminine comes in.

There is no need to pursue what is already part of you. This reminds me of a dog chasing its tail... The Infinite is the feminine and the masculine.

Ryan R wrote:and experience the depths of clarity, but suddenly, terror sets in

Yes, seeing Reality for what It really is is terrifying, until you take the next step, which is difficult to describe without making it sound like nihilism.

Ryan wrote: I can spend many months at a time in deep solitude with very little relationship with anyone, and experience the depths of clarity, but suddenly, terror sets in, suddenly I don’t want it anymore, suddenly I doubt the infinite, the worth of it, I imagine myself in this state indefinitely, and I react, I want anything but the state I’m in, Suddenly I want to have a connection with something that is other than what I am, and this is where the whole pursuit of the feminine comes in.

Yes, I understood you the first time. But let me re-phrase. Your deep solitude, little relationship, depths of clarity or in other words: your experience of the 'infinite' is defined purely as opposites here. Opposite from companionship, opposite from social behavior, etc. But it's not formlessness as opposed to form. It's one form against another. Same coinage.

The feminine and its pursuit bounces between desire and repulsion in a continuous cycle. That's why we all know and experience this during our development. Lets read Quinn again:

David Quinn wrote:If a person isn't experiencing this deep repulsion on a regular basis, then he is either very, very inspired and wise, or else he has no real connection to spiritual truth at all.

There's no repulsion without there being attraction as well. It's only because of wisdom's wise that both sides of the coins get experienced so vividly, a result of increased awareness. The repulsion as result of the love, and just as easily the love as result of repulsion, toward ever morphing objects. It's like a pendulum but without fixed periods.

Diebert wrote:

There's no repulsion without there being attraction as well. It's only because of wisdom's wise that both sides of the coins get experienced so vividly, a result of increased awareness. The repulsion as result of the love, and just as easily the love as result of repulsion, toward ever morphing objects. It's like a pendulum but without fixed periods.

And what are you saying, that as one gets older and matures, the pendulum's cycles eventually run off of steam? This is what Quinn seems to be implying, he is basically saying that if someone is ultimately wise, then there is no repulsion at all.

Elizabeth wrote:

but if you were truly connected to the Infinite, you would see that there isn't anything that is not what you are.

Yes, quite. However, I doubt that you have felt the sheer terror of the enlightened state. If you had, you'd understand the depth of what I'm saying, and you wouldnt be asking such questions.

When my spiritual progress becomes slow or half hearted it can at times seem futile to push any further, but I always end up snapping back stronger than before. And as time goes by, the lows become less woeful. Whenever I start to slow too much for my liking I get myself pissed off by focusing on all the things that disgust and repulse me, building a fire inside myself as big as the Sun. I say; pull yourself up and move before all that is left of you is a hollow shell of your former self! Do you want life or death, heaven or hell, do you want Absolute perfection or do you want to slowly turn into everything that you know is pitiful and weak? I need to become a hero! There simply isn't enough of us for me to settle for anything less than to become a God among men. Perfection in my right hand, flawlessness in my left, I am a force, I am fearless, I am eternal!