GENIUS FORUMS

Walking around the streets at night recently I have seen many houses and front yards decorated with dancing lights, illuminated stars and the like. I do like some of them, my enjoyment of them is divorced completely from Christmas: I see them as beautiful otherworldly fantasy objects, maybe even a little piece of another world where fairies and quests exist. And maybe it's as if a small part of the normal suburban sameness has been replaced with something more inspiring, inventive and creative.

Despite that, while walking around I came up with a couple of ideas for Christmas decorations which gave me a chuckle and may appeal to some people here:

1. A normally decorated front yard with lights and the like. When people approach a sensor dectects motion and up pops a demented cut out cardboard demon-Santa with glowing red eyes, and an extremely loud recorded evil scream plays back at the same time. Sure to be a hit with the kids.

2. For the adults who are less likely to get the full effect of the first one: A no expense spared, sumptuously lit front yard, the best in the suburb, the talk of the town etc. Again a motion sensor is in place, so that when people approach the front of the house the sensor trips and all the lights turn off. They walk away and the lights turn back on, the walk back towards the house and off the lights go again etc etc.

Sure, it was confusing on whether the parents were packing the gifts, Santa (aka Satan in disguise) was hoofing the goods, or Jesus in one of his many manifestations, had been stashing the goods under the palm tree while in Egypt.

My parents, were well-aware that Santa (Satan) had many tricks up his sleeve and one was to get mom or dad to go along with the fallacy that Heaven was towards the North. Being five-years-old and looking to be amused, they took me to some place where some schlepps had been paid off in her majesty's service to sit on Santa's lap (Satan's crotch). Well, I didn't take too kindly to sitting on some old geezers kneecap and confessing my inner wishes to a complete stranger. The images of sleighs and elves and assorted accoutrements hadn't sunk into my center of gravity at that tender age. I raised a hissy fit something terrible and wouldn't get near that creep for any amount of material bribe that my parents had foisted upon me. (An electric train was the "reward" for sitting in on Satan's [Santa's] inner sanctum)......From then on, I then never fully trusted my parents on any one thing they related to me as being true from that day on. I'd do my own "sniff test" and discover for myself whether it was fitting for my short/long term survival and thusly would integrate only the bare minimum of adjustments to wend my way in this plastic amerika.......So when my mom tells me I "gotta get right with Jesus" (zeus, osiris, isis, buddha, lucifer, jehovah, etc)......I remind her that they deceived me at a tender age of five - so why? - would YOU believe something that Sir Francs Bacon (Shakespeare) was commissioned by (the earthly) King James to rewrite into "Modern English" from all the Dark Age manuscripts of pagan catholicism, greek, aramaic.....? Mom has an average IQ, certainly no genius......but she does play the piano by ear........but all she plays is the echo of what she was told when she was a child growing up - all religious music...old rugged cross, just as i am, onward christian solders.... no musical compositions from her own mind.....but she is the one who didn't abort me....did what she could with the talents give her though.

As far as the lights going on and off when the stranger go walking by front yard i guess that would depend on where one lives. I grew up in North Dakota and i checked the Weather Channel yesterday - it was like, 2 above Zero Farenheit and a few inches of snow. Doubful whether there are many people walking past in the frigid weather who would be amused/shocked by sensor lights - more like "what is that idiot doing wasting electricity" or "must be an energy brownout in the grid"......The electricity comes from the Garrison Reservoir power generators harnessing Missouri River waters......The water is being drained at too much of a rate of release to keep the barges afloat downstream (Kansas City to New Orleans) to keep the grain to other nations flowing (Thanks Archer-Daniel-Midlands) Send that crew back to Old Europa where those fatcats can live in frigid weather.....


More later as the war On Iraq continues its nasty ways with not a whole lot of electricity for the Iraqis. Satan (Santa) will be getting clearances to do a "fly-over" Iraq replete with napalm, white phosphorous, cluster bombs with other F-18s to grind the little kiddies into submission. All must bow down to Santa when they walk past a yard with Santa decorations and ground sensors and some have claymore mines with trip wires attached.....Ah, Yes! Merry Christ-Mass (Hari Krishna) one and all.....Santa Klaus (Satan's Claws)

Perhaps the (Most Blessed) Virgin Mary will do the right thing and abort Baby Jesus before it is too late......then we can eat the sacraments for Xmas dinner in grand style....Filet-O-Fetus


Why not, Minot?



Tomas (the tank)
VietNam veteran - 1971

Tomas wrote:As far as the lights going on and off when the stranger go walking by front yard i guess that would depend on where one lives.

In my neighborhood, a lot of people seem to have sensors so that the light goes on when they drive up to their house.

It also goes on when I'm walking my dog past their house. Maybe the sensor is set a bit too sensitive. I was a tiny bit freaky at first.

I used to loathe Christmas. Now, I no longer give a shit one way or the other. The whole crap used to bother me. I have written posts about it.

Now, Christmas no longer seems more loathesome than the rest of the year. It's all Christmas. It was Christmasy when we invaded Iraq a couple of years ago. Fa la la la and so on and so forth. We decked the halls.

I kind of like the idea of the demented Santa popping up. Kind of a death metal Santa. My teenagers would love it. They would have loved it when they were little kids.

My younger sister was recently appalled when I told her that Buster and I watched "Quills" together when he was ten. I said, "Well, I don't think exposure to Sade is worse than exposure to Christmas. And look at him --does he look demented? Does he act demented?"

No way, Jose. He is a good kid.

His favorite part from "Quills" was when the midget set fire to the prison. "He took a poker from the fire.." He thought that was hilarious. He ran around for weeks sqawking, "He took a poker from the fire.."

Great childhood memory. He does not remember sitting on Santa's lap.

He remembers Santa Sade fondly.

Faizi

Several gruesome Santa scenes on network news this evening.

I kind of liked the hanging Santa -- blindfolded and a noose.

I think this is a healthy sign.

Also, a survey of kids scared to death of Santa. Santa is scary. The acknowledgment of that is also a healthy sign.

I cannot speak for the rest of the world but, in the US, Christmas is losing popularity. Americans like to spend money but I think we are tired are spending it all in one month.

Faizi

MKFaizi wrote:Several gruesome Santa scenes on network news this evening.

I kind of liked the hanging Santa -- blindfolded and a noose.

I think this is a healthy sign.

Also, a survey of kids scared to death of Santa. Santa is scary. The acknowledgment of that is also a healthy sign.

I cannot speak for the rest of the world but, in the US, Christmas is losing popularity. Americans like to spend money but I think we are tired are spending it all in one month.

Faizi

No doubt, Faizi!


Tomas (the tank)
Prince of Jerusalem
16 Degree
Scottish Rite Free Mason

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Something to spice up nativity scenes: Caganer

Perhaps the (Most Blessed) Virgin Mary will do the right thing and abort Baby Jesus beore it is too late......then we can eat the sacraments for Xmas dinner in grand style....Filet-O-Fetus

That's the spirit, Tomas

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Jesus vs. Super Jesus

What if scientists clone Jesus, who would win?

http://universalramblings.blogspot.com

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Jason, number two gets my vote. The image was hilarious and made me laugh out loud.

;-)

I don't know if this is real but...unusual Christmas lights

Alex Jacob wrote:Jason, number two gets my vote. The image was hilarious and made me laugh out loud.

;-)

Too funny!
And too late to rig it up for this year. I wish I had thought of Jason's second scenario. No matter: if I do try it next year, I'll tell everyone I did think of it.

I guess that total darkness would be best. Lets the imagination run wild.

Dont like Christmas? try Yo Saturnalia! lotsa things run wild in the dark then. Dont go to Xmas parties, got to Saturnalian orgies. Gonna have fun, be serious about it.