Hi brokenhead,brokenhead wrote:And yet as parents, most people strive to make the childhood of their young as happy as possible.
I think SK is oversimplifying things, possibly because he saw himself as one of the "exceptions." It seems to me in this world a happy childhood stands one in good stead in later years. I agree a fully developed person will have had periods where life seems to bring on those "depths of melancholy," but I don't think you can take this quote as being any kind of recipe for what kind of environment you want to provide for your children. "Yes, I deliberately make my kids' life as miserable as I can. They'll thank me for it later, once they have had time to reflect."
My experiences and observations are that when a child is brought up in a relatively fine and sane family wherein there is a lot of love, caring, peace and quiet, discipline, and human touch, he becomes keenly sensitive and reflective (as Kierkegaard alludes to). This extraordinary sensitivity of his organism then causes him to both see and feel with a great degree of accuracy and certainy the nature of grand fallen human (or inhuman or not yet fully human) fraud that surrounds him everywhere. And upon deeply seeing that it is essentially a fraud, he cannot then in good conscience truly participate in it wholeheartedly or with true joy and happiness (save for perhaps at some fleeting and short-lived times and periods). He'll then tend to be a loner or an outsider (and thereby be essentially unhappy and/or depressive).
He'll also tend to feel very often that perhaps he is insane and the rest of the world is sane or well. He may even fall into the hands of the mental health 'experts', who may give him a 'label' and then very well permanently destroy his potential human flowering and future with drugs and therapeutic 'cures'. He may turn to various self-prescribed mood altering (or sense deadening) substances in an attempt to attain some 'sanity', which will also lead him to a dead end. And he will find little, if any, truthful advice or encouragement from his peers either, since the vast majority of them are, as a result of their encultured organismal desensitization, quite well adjusted to the profoundly sick society that is all around them - that is them. Likewise it will take him time and more participation in the grand loveless, greed infected, power mongering, and prestige grubbing human farce (to perhaps midlife - "ripe age") to fully come to grips with it, and then hopefully take the 'leap' beyond it all (which springs from hitting a 'bottom' or reaching that hour or point of great 'self'-contempt or the essence of Luke 14:26). From which point the answers and direction that will begin to genuinely edify him will hopefully begin to arise from deep within. Which ultimately is where they must come from. He'll also acquire a longing for solitude. In order to 'avoid the stings of the flies in the market place' as best he can (as per Nietzsche).
Though I would disagree with Kierkegaard in that not all (rather I feel far from it - and especially in these times) finely-formed and sensitively-souled people (reflective/dialectical types) are "recompensed" or "transfigured into spirit." But rather I find the case is far more as Schopenhauer put it: "what is noble and wise (pure in mind and heart?) SELDOM attains to expression." Since again everything and everyone around him will impede, rather than truly assist, his spiritual and psychic or neurological rebirth and development. Including the many heretofore AND present 'enlightened masters'.
I can now clearly see and understand that I was different than the rest of the people around me from my earliest days and memories. Yet this took a lot of time, change, suffering, and unending self-understanding and research and study into others lives (via reflection or meditation and studying biographies) to come to this awareness with a clear and firm understanding of it . And since I'm not all that good at expressing my thoughts, feelings, and experiences in words, I'll offer the following views which reflect very closely my own experiences and feelings in my early days. And which were especially helpful to me along the latter part of my journey in regards to the total renewing (operationally) of my mind or brain. As were all the quotes and ideas of others I happened upon over the years and place herein.
"In my early childhood I was not happy. The world seemed a place in which no one could desire to dwell. I turned, with my earliest consciousness, to religion for comfort and enlightenment, but fear grew instead of abating. Later my own spirit taught me intuitively, and I was freed from church, such as the belief in hell. I saw plainly that 'God', even if He were no greater than the finite mind could conceive, would not do what an ordinary tender-hearted mortal would never be guilty of." (Sister Gyanamata - [Associate of Paramahansa Yogananda] - 'God Alone')
"Where does my story, or yours, begin? When I trace the roots of my being, at what point do I distinguish between 'my' self and the soil in which I was planted? When can I first say 'I am'?.....I could begin with the birth of self-consciousness. One day, when I was nine years old, I was walking down Court Street in Maryville, Tennessee. Near the bottom of the hill, fifteen feet from an apple tree, on a part of the sidewalk that was smooth enough for skating, I knew suddenly and with blinding clarity that I was different than my parents, my brothers and sisters, and my playmates. Self-consciousness descended on me like a hawk. In a sense, I might date the origin of my self from this moment.....But my consciousess was swaddled in a cradle made by nature and culture long before I knew myself to be a person apart from others. I was neither father, mother, nor architect of my own being. No self-made man. I grew like a seed in humus that was composted of the residue of generations. A nexus of communication of the living and the dead wove the tissue of my mind and body. My individuality was born from a web of life too intricate to unravel. Thinking back on the context that created me, I can only conclude that I must start my story with this affirmation: I was loved; therefore I am. As Martin Buber put it, "In the beginning was relationship"." (Sam Keen - 'The Passionate Life: Stages of Loving')
"Even as a child. I knew myself to be different and more than the oughts, images, and ideals I agreed to in order to win the love of my parents and the respect of my peers. The insatiable senses and the promiscuous imagination are never satisfied by the monogamy of the persona. Some restless, unnamable energy pushed me out of the garden of childhood, led me into becoming a rebel." (Sam Keen)
"At an absurdly early age, the age of seven, I knew that no human words would ever reach me." (Nietzsche)
"To my parents, Elizabeth and David, whose discipline and love gave me the eyes to see grace." (From the dedication page of 'The Road Less Traveled' by M. Scott Peck, M.D.)
Further along in the book he states: "Spiritually evolved people, by virtue of their discipline, mastery, and love, are people of extraordinary competence, and in their competence they are called on to serve the world, and in their love they answer the call."
"I have been looking for the door to enlightenment as long as I remember - from my very childhood.....I never could find any way to communicate with the children of my own age. To me they looked stupid, doing all kinds of idiotic things. I never joined any football team, volleyball team, hockey team. Of course they all thought me crazy. And as far as I was concerned, as I grew I started looking at the whole world as crazy." (Osho - 'Autobiography of a Spiritually Incorrect Mystic')
"Ever since I was twelve, I had been occupied with the question of the meaning of human existence, and whether all human values were self-delusion. No doubt this feeling was intensified by my dislike of the vague, brainless, cowlike drifting of the people around me." (Colin Wilson - 'The Outsider')
And following is a observation by J. Krishnamurti (who I feel, and inspite of his own short-comings, had clear and perfect insight into the 'souls' of others) of a little girl who he concluded was "denied this intelligence." And from my studies of him I find his use of the word "supreme intelligence" to be synonymous with love, wholeness of being, or soundness of body, mind, and spirit.
"The sun was bright on the white wall opposite, and its glare made the faces obscure. A little child, without the prompting of the mother, came and sat close by, wide-eyed and wondering what it was all about. She was freshly washed and clothed and had some flowers in her hair. She was keenly observing everything, as children do, without recording too much. Her eyes were sparkling, and she did not quite know what to do, whether to cry, to laugh or to jump; instead, she took my hand and looked at it with absorbing interest. Presently she forgot all those people in the room, relaxed and went to sleep with her head in my lap. Her head was of good shape and well balanced; she was spotlessly clean. Her future was as confused and as miserable as that of the others in the room. Her conflict and sorrow were as inevitable as that sun on the wall; for to be free of pain and misery needs supreme intelligence, and her education and the influences about her would see to it that she was denied this intelligence." (J. Krishnamurti)
Lastly, regarding how we raise, or fail to properly raise, our children, you may want to carefully examine the last post on page 3 in this thread. My view too is that we are dehumanizing our present generation of children into unfeeling, unloving, uncaring machines or robotons at a faster pace than than ever before in the history of the species. And their parents are totally oblivious to this fact. As they too were largely dehumanized by their dehumanized parents and the evermore increasingly spiritually and morally deteriorating society they were each raised in. And the dehumanization of the species is physical or biological and thereby irreparable in the vast, vast majority of cases. Hence we are fast approaching the long-predicted Armageddon. And one might even say right on schedule, and which is all a natural part of the making of or the perfecting of Man.
Bob M.