I'm not a hit-and-runner, I have been reading the replies each day, I just haven't had the energy to reply.
Trevor Salyzyn wrote:I'd identify myself as overwhelmed and over-stressed, a combination that can lead me to consider suicide the easiest option.
Then, I'd consider other options. One might be breaking the challenge into manageable chunks, so as to no longer be overwhelmed.
I'm a very mellow person, but deep down I think that I am constantly stressed, which is something I should acknowledge. Breaking things down into manageable chunks would help a lot, but I also need a system to make sure I complete the task (instead of giving up after a week).
CultOfByron wrote:Have you considered audio books? I work the night shift at a local supermarket ... so I can just switch my embodied self off for nine hours a night and immerse myself in The Teaching Company's Philosophy back catalogue! It really has helped and I feel that I am getting a grasp of concepts that eluded my somewhat through my degree years and subsequently.
It's hard but it's doable. I suppose listening to audio books and lectures bypasses the whole willpower/motivation issue and I'm forcing the ideas into my skull, but so far as this works I'm willing to 'go along' with it.
Look into how to cultivate your own will and/or motivation - if you are surfing alot then use the internet in the way that many SHOULD use it but don't - as a vast source of information.
I have considered audio books, and I do think it would help. I have a great deal of respect for The Teaching Company. I have only watched one of their programs, but I have over 700GB of their video courses. If you are interested, I would highly suggest joining Spirit-Tracker.org and viewing their HUGE selection of TTC material. Books aren't the only thing I collect but never use.
DHodges wrote:See a psychiatrist.
You should be able to get some medication that will help you with the depression, which should also help with getting motivated to actually do things.
I am diagnosed with severe depression. I was on celexa for six months, and I believed that it helped me out a lot. I wasn't always so negative, and I had little trouble getting myself to sit down and study. However, my girlfriend at the time said that I was acting like an asshole, and my mother was afraid that it might do permanent damage to my serotonin receptors, or cause me to kill myself. When my prescription ran out, instead of getting a new one, I just stopped taking them, which I think might be what made me even more depressed. I dropped out of college, quit my job, and lost my girlfriend. However, I have re-enrolled, in a better college program, and got a new job that I just started yesterday. I would like to make it with my own strength, but I definitely recognize the help SSRIs can provide.
Alex Jacob wrote:Vote for Obama.
Not a problem. Perhaps random, but Deus Ex is my favorite game, and I couldn't help but think of Alex Jacobson, one of the main characters.
Shahrazad wrote:IMO, you're going to have to go on anti-depressant drugs. After you pull yourself out of the depression, you'll see clearly what you have to do with your life. There's no way you're going to see it right now.
It's almost funny you would say that. I remember when I first started celexa and I felt like I had been living in a great fog. Everything around me started to clear up, and I felt like I could see the whole world more clearly.
Remo wrote:The biggest problem with overthinking is that it leaves you feeling exausted and because of this everything seems insurmountable.
I couldn't agree more with this. I'm only 21 and I feel tired all day long. It doesn't matter how much sleep I get, it never seems like enough. I realize how destructive my negative thoughts are, they're just so hard to stop. I'm always in my head.
brokenhead wrote:
Imbecil
I second Shah's recommendation, just from my own life experience. The antidepressant drugs start off for a few weeks making you feel a little tired, and maybe thirsty and a little "off." After that, those effects disappear and you think the drug is not doing anything.
But you'll notice that the world around you gradually changes in subtle ways. You will stick to a task a bit longer, and then a bit longer, than before, and then results of your efforts start trickling in, and then becoming more regular. You won't be as easily discouraged by things, almost as if the world is being a little nicer to you. And it is, because you have begun to be nicer to it, and to yourself.
This really makes me want to get back on celexa. I really miss being able to focus my thoughts and efforts on accomplishing productive tasks. I'm really starting to reconsider my decision to stay off anti-depressants.
Shahrazad wrote:Attitude makes the difference between living in heaven or in hell.
What the anti-depressants did for me was change my attitude, very drastically. I was unable to have painful thoughts. Life seemed like a bowl of cherries, no matter how much tragedy there was. I just didn't give a shit about anything.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I want to take the anti-depressants again, but I don't like the idea of being reliant upon a pill. I also don't like the idea of altering my mental and chemical state on a constant basis. However, if I am unable to cure my depression by myself, and it has been at least 6 years at this point, I may have no choice.
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I don't believe there is anything wrong with psychedelics, and I have had both good and bad experiences on them. I would love to explore this avenue more when I feel better about myself. Proper environment and framing is very important when taking psychedelics and I don't feel like I'm in the right place right now. I am kind of against anti-depressants, although I realize they are a much needed medication and provide an important role in helping people get their life back together. However, I feel they are greatly abused. Considering my situation it might be appropriate, but I would like to make it on my own. I'll give myself another chance to improve, but if things don't work out, then talk to my old psychiatrist about a new prescription if things don't work out.