Diebert wrote,
The development does not surprise me. Here I borrow terminology from the theory of positive disintegration by Dąbrowski,... is just what it says on the tin. It's a disintegrating force that takes apart all that holds you together, the social processes, the indoctrination, the ritual-hormonal loops, all of it! What was once the source of desire and will, the will of others mostly or the illusions within our own mind, are diminishing. The result can for some lead to stress levels (as one is losing it) and very low energy states which can trigger serious, even clinical depression.
Yes, I lost the desire to do anything. I had no plans for the future. The future seemed like a dark void. I couldn't imagine working, having a family, a social circle. It was simply not there.
... suggest that the process of disintegration, as road toward actualization and enlightenment,
The isolation did cause me to start asking my self "what's the purpose of life?". Thinking alot about death. A 15-year old should not be thinking about death, I think.
There is no "help" at that stage because it's the nature of the disintegrating path being followed and sustained. But going back to first level integration still might save: the strict routines, participation, commitment to a faith, a culture, becoming integrated in some communal being.
It was the time of Confirmation (as I'm catholic), and I remember how disappointed I was because nobody seemed to care about anything religious; everyone was just there because "you have to" and to get presents (money, etc.) after confirmation.
Not going back but forward does require understanding why one is in the current state. Wisdom offers knowing exactly where you are, to map out ones trajectory, past and present, to see all everything leads to this as if it was a deep, hidden desire.
I wish I had it back then. I've lost many years walking in circles.
That can include a wish for something to end!
Is wisdom not the end of wishing for something?
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The greatest steps forward would require the greatest stakes and utmost risks. It seems wisdom is born out of a state of disillusionment, total abandonment, hitting rock bottom, losing faith and utter isolation. The "mountain top" is cold, sharp and unbearable after all. It's not a place one can remain human or be anything at all. What even means survival here?
I meant it more in sense when one is unenlightened, and on the spiritual path. The wise surely does no longer care about surviving?
But lets not worry, there's here no requirement whatsoever here to fail or succeed. One can let go of all the whips and guilt. All these age old burdens flattening and warping our minds can now be discarded. This is why it's called the Great Liberation after all! There's not even a need to climb the top. And what is your top anyway?
Well, I want to succeed in becoming enlightened, to experience the Great Liberation. I do not feel Liberated yet. So that's my mountain top.
Maybe it's already passed and you're comfortably starting to roll down not realizing it yet?
I hope not! Surely the apex of life is more exciting than what I have lived!
The very thing desiring death is the very thing desiring life and existence in the first place. A shadow image of life?
This seems meaningful to me. I desire annihilation because I desire common life (Woman).
What the philosopher attempts is to not look away, not to oppose and not to embrace. He's not avoiding anything as he'd more intimately connected to all that others merely glance at. At that stage, what is left to do? Something gets closer. Is it fate? But something else gets further away. All unavoidable.
I do not understand this one yet, but maybe my future selves.
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