My english teacher says this makes no sense

[Borommakot]

Please post here about what you believe this paper is about, so that I can prove to my english teacher that it is not unintelligable.



An Unfortunate Occurrence

My predicament, being unfortunately common in the high school environment, begins with a false sense of moral obligation. In order to ensure to myself the fact of my own quality, my mind creates a situation, in which I can demonstrate said quality.
And that is how I find myself speaking to a person who, given a sadly unachieved indifference to the public opinion of my morals, I would not and could not, in good conscience, make myself speak to.
A note from present tense me: With hindsight (as always) one can better analyze the mistakes made in haste, and the mistake on my part was a fairly critical blunder. I, for some unknown reason, felt like it was more important to be a generally good person than to get to my intended destination. Never do this. The sooner you can accept the simple fact that you, while you have the ability to perform good deeds, are not bound to be, in any way shape or form, a model of good social conduct.
While you read my note, I have bypassed the awkward initial greeting stage, and moved on to the exchange of pointless information concerning a topic that contains little or no interesting material. If you absolutely must speak with an undesirable acquaintance, then I suggest you follow my example. It is much harder to leave in the middle of a conversation centered around your next prospective girlfriend than it is to leave one focused on the problems of an ever annoying counterpart to the soon to be disengaged conversation.
As soon as said annoyance becomes unbearable, I automatically cast out, searching for something, anything, that can be used to make a show of being dragged away from my sad display of kindness. This stage in the proceedings is where I also begin to feel sorry for myself, wondering what I did to deserve this unwanted attention. I stretch my eyes across the courtyard, and see a friend from last year, whom, while speaking to them is not the most joy I’ve ever experienced, their conversation is still much more desirable than the increasingly tedious blather extricating itself from the mouth of my current “friend.”
The extraction is the most delicate stage of my story. Leave too quickly, and the person might feel shunted (as they should), but if I take too much time, you might go mad and things might end in a violent death.
Success! We are now walking away from our unwanted acquaintance, wondering how in the world we could survive another conversation like that, and feeling one of the deepest feelings of self pity that we will ever feel, similar to the feeling after a hard breakup, or after wasting two hours on a bad movie. We are all hypocrites. Sad, but true.
A final note: What excuse do we have for feeling bad for ourselves? The person we just spoke to will eventually experience enough conversations in which they are unwanted that they will stop trying. They have a much more realistic and dramatic reason to pity themselves.
So next time you see someone you don’t want to talk to, save everyone the trouble, and keep walking.

[beeman]

I personally think, while being awkwardly worded at times, that it was actually rather brilliant and possessing something of a dry sense of humor I rather enjoy.
I could see however why your english teacher could not understand it.
Just work on the wording a little.
Be a little more blunt with everything you are saying. No need to dumb it down but simply shorten it.
It is quite easy to get carried away when your sentences start to lengthen.

[DHodges]

"Makes no sense" is a little harsh, but it is poorly written to the point of being hard to understand.

Is english your native language?

[Relo]

Try broadening the beginning, it seems to be loose and hard to grab gradewise, while referring to your teacher.

I'd say I like it as a statement to a paper, yet morals could add on bricks.

[Remo]

Your using a presumptuous language style of writing, you should stick to prose until you've mastered it, you must learn to walk, before you learn to run.

Your point of topic or thesis statement is not clearly stated at the beginning (a big no no) and while it can be inferred its too vague in any case. If you wish to describe a state of human interaction, the mundane trivial nature of small talk and how it bores you, why not just say so?

Also as a general rule you have to be overly clear as the subject matter and the concept is totally clear to yourself, however the reader has no starting point or knowledge of your subject, think of it like math, if you show all your steps clearly a reader can follow through, however if you don't clearly state the steps and just assume the steps of the equation are understood, some readers will not be able to follow your mathematical reasoning, same with writing.

My predicament, being unfortunately common in the high school environment, begins with a false sense of moral obligation. In order to ensure to myself the fact of my own quality, my mind creates a situation, in which I can demonstrate said quality.

what is the predicament?
what sense of moral obligation? in relation to what?
You speak of your own quality in what context?
what situation is created by your mind?
in which I can demonstrate said quality? In the context it sounds like your trying to say "in which I can demonstrate said situation"

And that is how I find myself speaking to a person who, given a sadly unachieved indifference to the public opinion of my morals, I would not and could not, in good conscience, make myself speak to.

This is rather muddled it seems like your trying to say you found yourself speaking to someone who does not share your moral values and makes you uncomfortable
its also condescending in tone.
it also sounds like your trying to say your pissed off at the person in question for not defending you in public, for your moral position.

A note from present tense me: With hindsight (as always) one can better analyze the mistakes made in haste, and the mistake on my part was a fairly critical blunder. I, for some unknown reason, felt like it was more important to be a generally good person than to get to my intended destination. Never do this. The sooner you can accept the simple fact that you, while you have the ability to perform good deeds, are not bound to be, in any way shape or form, a model of good social conduct

A note from present tense me:
this is a literary no no

Sounds like your trying to say in hindsight picking personal values over fitting in was a mistake on your part, you now believe its better to fit in than being ostracized by your peers due to a position of moral superiority looking down on them.

While you read my note, I have bypassed the awkward initial greeting stage, and moved on to the exchange of pointless information concerning a topic that contains little or no interesting material. If you absolutely must speak with an undesirable acquaintance, then I suggest you follow my example. It is much harder to leave in the middle of a conversation centered around your next prospective girlfriend than it is to leave one focused on the problems of an ever annoying counterpart to the soon to be disengaged conversation.

this paragraph makes very little sense, the first sentence seems to be an admission that the entire topic contains "little or no interesting material" (which is self evident, written as it is)

What is this example you suggest the reader follow? you sort of answer it in the next paragraph, however it should be answered here.

The rest of the paragraph you state its much harder to leave in situation A than in situation B however situation B is not clearly stated, i have no idea what this means "than it is to leave one focused on the problems of an ever annoying counterpart to the soon to be disengaged conversation" it doesn't relate to A in any obvious way.

As soon as said annoyance becomes unbearable, I automatically cast out, searching for something, anything, that can be used to make a show of being dragged away from my sad display of kindness. This stage in the proceedings is where I also begin to feel sorry for myself, wondering what I did to deserve this unwanted attention. I stretch my eyes across the courtyard, and see a friend from last year, whom, while speaking to them is not the most joy I’ve ever experienced, their conversation is still much more desirable than the increasingly tedious blather extricating itself from the mouth of my current “friend.”The extraction is the most delicate stage of my story. Leave too quickly, and the person might feel shunted (as they should), but if I take too much time, you might go mad and things might end in a violent death.

In simpler terms : your talking to someone who bores the shit out of you and your looking for a valid excuse to "get away" without looking like an asshole.
"but if I take too much time, you might go mad and things might end in a violent death" don't you mean if i take too much time, i might go mad...?

Success! We are now walking away from our unwanted acquaintance, wondering how in the world we could survive another conversation like that, and feeling one of the deepest feelings of self pity that we will ever feel, similar to the feeling after a hard breakup, or after wasting two hours on a bad movie. We are all hypocrites. Sad, but true.
A final note: What excuse do we have for feeling bad for ourselves? The person we just spoke to will eventually experience enough conversations in which they are unwanted that they will stop trying. They have a much more realistic and dramatic reason to pity themselves.

Here it sounds like you changed writing perspective, and now include the reader by using "we"instead of I" Given that the topic has something to do with you speaking to another individual its highly misleading and unnecessarily confusing.

The final line sounds like your passing moral judgment over someone, which ironically ties into your advice on what never to do.

So next time you see someone you don’t want to talk to, save everyone the trouble, and keep walking.

100% clear, use this as your thesis statement and expand on this, without highbrow moral posturing, being clear and to the point using a prose writing style.

Lastly in this day of spell/grammar checks never hand in a paper with spelling mistakes, that's a big no no

hope my constructive criticism wasn't to brutal for you good-luck