Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Discussion of the nature of Ultimate Reality and the path to Enlightenment.
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ardy
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Re: Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Post by ardy »

Cahoot wrote:
ardy wrote:
Huck Mucus wrote:I've never given 100% to anything and, after nearly 60 years, I'm thinking about giving it a try. However, every time I think I'm ready to make a move, I argue against it. I thought I'd come here and pose some questions, the answers to which might move me off dead center. If anyone knows of a good book which addresses these things, I'd like to read it. Thanks.

I'd like to do something good but I'm not sure what good is. It asks a question: Good for who? Good for what? The answer is always different.

If I conserve a gallon of water, doesn't that just encourage them (people, population growth, land development, etc.)? We know it won't go to reserved water rights for fish, animals, etc. so . . . if I have a water right, why not waste it?

Likewise with gasoline: If I conserve a gallon of gas, doesn't that just increase supply, thus reducing price and encouraging Rush Limbaugh to laugh all the way down the road in his Hummer?

I know improving the life of the poverty-stricken, along with education, is supposed to reduce their rates of procreation. However, if the environmental footprint of a better-off person is so much larger than many poverty-stricken people combined, where is the net gain in shipping my money or energy or efforts to the poor to improve their life?

In short, doesn't helping people just encourage them, thus threatening them long term? Can't working against the perceived interests of people actually inure to their benefit? On Scalia's concentric circles of care, can't caring for those entities mid-way in on the circle (strangers) actually threaten entities which lie further out (species, water, air, space), thus threatening the necessities of life in the center (self) and those closer in (family, friends, loved ones)?

What is good and why should I endeavor to do it? I don't want to give 100%, holding nothing in reserve, unless I feel good about the investment and the risk. On the other hand, I don't want to wake up dead someday regretting that I never went balls out for a good reason.

I could go big (help the world) or go small (help my family and small sphere) but what does both?

Flame away.
Huck - The way to deal with things if you have no driving compulsion to do 'good', is to just deal with whats in front of you. If you see something you can do, just do it but DO NOT go looking for things. I am now 68 years old and I have resisted the urge to 'do something', as you have found out, whatever you do has an impact elsewhere. Leading a life of grace within yourself is a fine ideal but my view is that the stream of life has no plan or destination.

I have noticed since my libido is not the all encompassing focus of my life, then other things stick their head up (snorts mildly). There are no guides apart from your conscience, or back slaps that substitute for a love of ones self without ego.

Nothing to do, Nowhere to go. If you feel the screaming need to try something you can't do more damage than our politicians.
Ain’t it the truth.

That’s why the premise behind The Bucket List is shallow. Doesn’t ring true. Old timers usually know some version of the essence, and are sustained by the essence existent in every situation, rather than the situation itself. Contrary to literary fantasy, in modern free culture, adult males have yet to be warehoused into herds like cattle. Like the bucket list, that’s a fantasy. The closest to that is banding into packs, which describes corporate man, pack animal man. Alpha, beta, and so on. Cats, on the other hand, are either solitary or gangsters.
Cahoot: Never realised the bucket list was shallow and leaks! It never grabbed me, it is like saying, 'I'm not ready to go until all this running around is done'. Strikes me as a waste of the rest of your life if you are not happy to go at any time. Life is deeper than a some ego trip to fill in the blanks (as if you could ever fill in all the blanks!). I wonder how many people complete their bucket list and then say 'If only I could just see 'X' I would be happy to go'.

The classification of men has been of some interest to me. A good friend of mine claims to have slept with over 1000 women during his working life. We both worked in the same industry and other men hated him for not being able to 'keep it in his pants'. Strangely he never chased these women they chased him. So as a man who also had a strong libido in my earlier days I can understand his drive and the female response to him ie good-looking man, good in bed and in a senior management position. The strange thing was nearly all of the women were married.
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Cahoot
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Re: Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Post by Cahoot »

ardy wrote: The classification of men has been of some interest to me. A good friend of mine claims to have slept with over 1000 women during his working life. We both worked in the same industry and other men hated him for not being able to 'keep it in his pants'. Strangely he never chased these women they chased him. So as a man who also had a strong libido in my earlier days I can understand his drive and the female response to him ie good-looking man, good in bed and in a senior management position. The strange thing was nearly all of the women were married.
Now there’s a real stillness seeker.

Attention perpetually orchestrating those temporary glissandos that peak at the still mountaintop, that he wishes lasted forever.

And to think, the simple craving for that instant of stillness is enough to drive all that interconnected activity. All that energy pouring into a creativity directed towards one end, a short-lived instant of stillness before the purity is once again covered up by all those attachments and thoughts that pull attention away from that everlasting stillness, that he can only find in brief moments, and not always.

All those pickup lines. Was he by chance a power junkie?

Bramacharya and tantra are about the movement of energy and have been confused with morality in the sense that energy movement is not always sexual. There are subtle and powerful energies in the orchestra other than the big brass of sex.

*
About the women being married:

I once saw a cartoon. Two boys playing in a sandbox. One boy said, “I don’t put my attention on girls. I put my attention on getting the things girls want to have.”

Your friend apparently knew what girls want to have. He had it, and was unselfishly willing to share it with those who were interested, and out of gratitude and attachment the ladies repaid this "intimacy of mind," most sincerely.
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ardy
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Re: Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Post by ardy »

Cahoot wrote:
ardy wrote: The classification of men has been of some interest to me. A good friend of mine claims to have slept with over 1000 women during his working life. We both worked in the same industry and other men hated him for not being able to 'keep it in his pants'. Strangely he never chased these women they chased him. So as a man who also had a strong libido in my earlier days I can understand his drive and the female response to him ie good-looking man, good in bed and in a senior management position. The strange thing was nearly all of the women were married.
Now there’s a real stillness seeker.

Attention perpetually orchestrating those temporary glissandos that peak at the still mountaintop, that he wishes lasted forever.

And to think, the simple craving for that instant of stillness is enough to drive all that interconnected activity. All that energy pouring into a creativity directed towards one end, a short-lived instant of stillness before the purity is once again covered up by all those attachments and thoughts that pull attention away from that everlasting stillness, that he can only find in brief moments, and not always.

All those pickup lines. Was he by chance a power junkie?

Bramacharya and tantra are about the movement of energy and have been confused with morality in the sense that energy movement is not always sexual. There are subtle and powerful energies in the orchestra other than the big brass of sex.

*
About the women being married:

I once saw a cartoon. Two boys playing in a sandbox. One boy said, “I don’t put my attention on girls. I put my attention on getting the things girls want to have.”

Your friend apparently knew what girls want to have. He had it, and was unselfishly willing to share it with those who were interested, and out of gratitude and attachment the ladies repaid this "intimacy of mind," most sincerely.
Cahoot: Was he a (and is he still) a power junkie? Yes and No he wants power over those around him but when he was offered (several times) real power up the slippery pole he declined. He is still wealthy but he would have been one of those with $100m to play with if he had taken any of the occupations, apart from the women, he was offered.

My cooler self is left wondering, now that I have space from the all-encompassing thoughts of women and sex , if this was how the 'keep it in your pants' brigade always felt ie cooler and less obsessed, as they had far less drive than we did.

I also wonder what a life of semi-indifference to sex would have been like. BUT I preferred my life fully awake and driven rather than partially comatose.

When on rare occasions I get into discussions with young men I always suggest that a life lived to the full is better than a life lived controlled and balanced.

Which brings me to another of my poor poems:

Caught on a Distant Shore


There is a deep, dark siren
Burning just beneath your feet.
Whispers of a love lost,
In the one that you last met.

She speaks in scented moments.
A misted forest voice.
Her call is out to all men,
Tonight you are her choice.

When you slow down she slips in,
Beneath your too smart game.
Sex is not an issue.
Love and music calls her name.

You don't want her forever,
You drive deeply in her lust.
The loves that lasts in your life
Simmer deep within your crust.

Lost in this dream whilst naked
Her desire demands much more
Her love that rakes you this night.
Burns bright on a distant shore.
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Cahoot
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Re: Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Post by Cahoot »

A man has to fall off the bike a couple a times to find the balance. That’s why young people are resilient, they can bounce back up with little damage. Once he can ride and gets over his fear of going fast, he learns the gyroscopic effect of the spinning wheels, and that going faster makes for more balance. So he goes faster, keeping the balance, never falling off the bike, grabbing quick glimpses of the world passing by. At some point he may stop the whole operation, the whole show, dismount and relinquish control of the bike (after all, he wasn’t born with it), grow still, turn attention inward. Then he may get back on the bike and ride slowly, which requires a more refined sense of balance that yields other treasures not seen when barreling down the path at top speed and screwing everything in sight.

Women can magnify tendencies. The first session of bickering with the beloved is likely to reveal the unsupported arrogance that makes a man think he isn’t like other people, that has always made him think he is special and above all this pettiness. Perhaps slightly in shock, because of what it’s doing to his self-image, he finds that just like everyone else he can get right down there in the dirt and duke it out to protect precious ego when it comes under a focused attack. Then again, a man who has had a thousand partners has probably developed some comfortable callouses to protect the precious and likely has a highly pragmatic and functional definition of “beloved.” Setting the proper expectation going in makes it easier to get out.
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ardy
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Re: Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Post by ardy »

Cahoot wrote:A man has to fall off the bike a couple a times to find the balance. That’s why young people are resilient, they can bounce back up with little damage. Once he can ride and gets over his fear of going fast, he learns the gyroscopic effect of the spinning wheels, and that going faster makes for more balance. So he goes faster, keeping the balance, never falling off the bike, grabbing quick glimpses of the world passing by. At some point he may stop the whole operation, the whole show, dismount and relinquish control of the bike (after all, he wasn’t born with it), grow still, turn attention inward. Then he may get back on the bike and ride slowly, which requires a more refined sense of balance that yields other treasures not seen when barreling down the path at top speed and screwing everything in sight.

Women can magnify tendencies. The first session of bickering with the beloved is likely to reveal the unsupported arrogance that makes a man think he isn’t like other people, that has always made him think he is special and above all this pettiness. Perhaps slightly in shock, because of what it’s doing to his self-image, he finds that just like everyone else he can get right down there in the dirt and duke it out to protect precious ego when it comes under a focused attack. Then again, a man who has had a thousand partners has probably developed some comfortable callouses to protect the precious and likely has a highly pragmatic and functional definition of “beloved.” Setting the proper expectation going in makes it easier to get out.
Yes he does and his idea of the "beloved" is someone he cares about but not as much as he cares about himself (nothing new there). Strangely he cares very deeply for his wife and family which most women would find hard to accept.

Ah! The tragedy that at the bottom of it all we are just like everyone else. I know there are differences but it is a bit like my party days, a 5 min conversation was enough for me to realise that I was talking to a person fearful of life and I was out of there. Then as I grow older the dreadful realisation that I am not so bloody unique. When I got divorced the woman I was talking to said "There are only 5 reasons for divorce and you are number 3" That got me thinking about being a number 3 - the more I look around me the more I see people who are exactly the same UNLESS you take out a microscope and for some of them a look at their atomic structure would not be enough! The question is should we revel in our similarities or deplore the lack of originality.

To bring this back to the original poster - freedom or quiet fear are really the two alternatives for life and you and I seem to have spent a fair amount of time looking for freedom. Such an arrogant thing to do yet it binds completely.
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Cahoot
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Re: Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Post by Cahoot »

To bring this back to the original poster - freedom or quiet fear are really the two alternatives for life and you and I seem to have spent a fair amount of time looking for freedom. Such an arrogant thing to do yet it binds completely.
Ardy, come on. Surely you can see the false dichotomy of this statement. If you can see it then everyone else can too.
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ardy
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Re: Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Post by ardy »

Cahoot wrote:
To bring this back to the original poster - freedom or quiet fear are really the two alternatives for life and you and I seem to have spent a fair amount of time looking for freedom. Such an arrogant thing to do yet it binds completely.
Ardy, come on. Surely you can see the false dichotomy of this statement. If you can see it then everyone else can too.
I can only assume you are talking about arrogance v freedom which I presume is the dichotomy you are talking about. If not I am lost on a distant shore again! or maybe freedom and binding (bit too obvious) or maybe I am getting desperate?
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Cahoot
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Re: Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Post by Cahoot »

No big deal. I understand the gist of what you’re saying, though the saying allows for dualistic contradictions such as: Fearless people need not be free, fearless people can be slaves to conditioning, slaves to love, slaves to delusion, or bodhisattva slaves to compassion.

Inquiry leads to self-inquiry. Self-inquiry is conceptual. Self-inquiry is the realm of intellectual contemplation, thinking, distinguishing, comparing. It is a dualistic activity that guides awareness and thought.

To say that there are "two alternatives in life" is a good contemplative method. Either/or is a way into self-enquiry. The intellectual effort to say it absolutely true within the limitations of duality creates a shift towards non-dual interpretation, which influences perception of reality.

Of the noticed
Only two can be
Spirit crushers and helpers

When duality dies
No contradiction survives
Spirit crushers become helpers
All being bows to intent
Glostik91
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Re: Help deciding what, if anything, to do with my life.

Post by Glostik91 »

I've never given 100% to anything and, after nearly 60 years, I'm thinking about giving it a try.
I take it that this is the thrust of your post, therefore it is to this I will answer.

I was in my garden amongst the seedlings and I thought, 'why are they doing this? why are they growing?' I'm, of course, not asking how they grow; I'm asking why. For what purpose do they turn the sun, air, and water into leaves, stems, and fruit? They do it with such vigor and 100% devotion. Its quite interesting.

Maybe you have given 100% to something, but you just haven't realized what it is.
a gutter rat looking at stars
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