There is a difference between memories that serve to keep the self concept alive and those that serve one's thinking life. The simplest example of this is the coming to this board to post. Without the memory of its existence this would not be possible. A more complex example would be that of a surgeon's memory of a procedure or a lawyer's memory of law.Cahoot: Memories are heavily influenced by self-concept. Memories are not a constant and over time the memory of an event will change to maintain the consistency of a self-concept, even if this requires ignoring facts, or altering the memory of facts. Self-concept is influenced by all kinds of things, such as ideology, which leads to all kinds of irrational behaviors and beliefs (common in liberal/progressive ideology). Another example, those with a Horatio Alger self-concept require the memory of suffering to enhance the impressiveness of any subsequent boot-strap lifting that overcame the suffering, though these memories are often softened by a nostalgia that is also shaped by self-concept.
Martyrdom (oh how I suffer and I can't let go of my suffering) and knowledge of the existence of suffering inherent in being born and being conscious of having a will are two different things. To do the right thing (to cause the right effect) requires knowledge of what will harm and what will not harm, as you say below, wisdom married to compassion.Cahoot: People even become martyrs to their suffering to preserve a self-concept.
Define further "the reality of who you are."Cahoot: This is why the conscious and deliberate practice to never lie to oneself (or others) is a powerful transformative spiritual practice that permeates perception, and leads to the skillful means (which is the marriage of wisdom and compassion), of memory aligning with the reality of who you are, rather than aligning with a self-concept shaped by attachment to delusion. Everyone has delusions, but seeing them for what they are weakens and eventually eliminates the attachment, which can be a painful and final suffering for strong egos.
Your Memory Isn't What You Think It Is
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/am- ... hink-it-is
Your "alignment" with memory to me is the same thing as attachment to memory - remembering. Which means, that although one can eliminate their attachment to the delusion of an independent self (I suffer vs. suffering exists for everyone) they cannot eliminate their attachment to their memory of things.