I think you all might have ruined my life

[skipair]

Well, I'm not sure yet. But anytime I try to slip back into "productive mode" and try to figure out how to "make something of my life" and fill it with activities that I enjoy and will enjoy for a lifetime, I'm inevitably plagued and tortured with the idea that these meanings I'm creating and applying and living are a LIE, and so I reluctantly yet necessarily return to this inner world filled with questions and uncertainty. And time passes, and yet it seems I have done nothing. Oddly enough, I don't think I have much choice in the matter. I'm just compelled. And so it goes.

Be well,
Skipair

[David Quinn]

Poison for the heart ......

-

[Imadrongo]

Great men require poisoning attempts to drive them forward, to overcome.... ;)

[Pincho Paxton]

Yeah it's 2:40am here, and I should be asleep.

[Ryan Rudolph]

Reality is stark and naked. And great philosophy points to that fact in the most concise way possible.

It is funny some of the stages the ego goes through, I remember when I first apprehended the full ramifications of true spiritual thought, there was just a period of total disbelief. I said to myself, “the path to spirituality can’t be this demanding, it can’t require all this, I can’t do it, I won’t do it.”

I think this is a stage every thinker goes through, they might even regress, and even return to a life of ignorance to tastes the pleasures of samsara just to make sure, but the results of such experiments are always the same – they always leave a rather bad taste in ones mouth.

Basically, once you go conscious, you can never go back to prior states of deluded unconsciousness. There is a point of no return.

It is like when matter is sucked into the event horizon of a black hole, and it cannot escape, it is squeezed out of existence. It is also a fitting metaphor because black holes actually suck in the material from broken stars that have recently exploded in the galaxy.

[Pincho Paxton]

It's 3:30am now.

[Greg Shantz]

The Truth is a snare: you cannot get it without being caught yourself; you cannot get the truth by catching it yourself but only by its catching you. -Kierkegaard

[Jamesh]

We are creatures of habit - one must give it time to become accustomed to wisdoms about reality. lol, I'm trying to learn how to ignore, or tailor, such wisdoms (the cunts!) in everyday dealings like say at work or in social situtations.

Though when I say this, I am most probably falsely seeing "greener grass on the what would have otherwise been, side" than is likely - it wasn't as if I was a happy chappy before coming across this site. At least now I have more solid self, as opposed to being under the spell of the ego based memes of others.

[1ntel]

skipair wrote:

Well, I'm not sure yet. But anytime I try to slip back into "productive mode" and try to figure out how to "make something of my life" and fill it with activities that I enjoy and will enjoy for a lifetime, I'm inevitably plagued and tortured with the idea that these meanings I'm creating and applying and living are a LIE, and so I reluctantly yet necessarily return to this inner world filled with questions and uncertainty. And time passes, and yet it seems I have done nothing. Oddly enough, I don't think I have much choice in the matter. I'm just compelled. And so it goes.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. All bridges back have been destroyed. It's either insanity of wisdom from here on in...

It feels evil.

[tooyi]

It feels evil.

The ego lets itself be heard no matter what.

All the devices are still in place and beeping. It feels like a broken autopilot. Why would anyone want this?!?!

Actually, the autopilot is not broken but just turned off. There is no feel to going back to it, though, but the task ahead does seem incredibly huge. And the ego is still there ready to latch on every opportunity it gets. There are wires running all over the place...

I think this is probably the first ever breakthrough, on a message board. And it has been documented so well, too.

[Ignis Fatuus]

Just pretend they're all wrong. You should be alright!:)

[tooyi]

It may take years and years to learn to fly level again. I don't think it is a viable option to just try and hold ones breath all that time.

[Pincho Paxton]

Reading this thread makes me wonder if you all are just a flow of nature, but I am not. I am the truly sentient person that breaks the bounderies of time, and Webspace. Written by Pincho Paxton at 3:00 pm GMT in natures time.

[Ignis Fatuus]

tooyi,

I don't think it is a viable option to just try and hold ones breath all that time.

I'm sure Pincho Paxton thinks the same.

[TheChessPlayer]

tooyi, let him who has ears hear umm do you call yourself god?

[tooyi]

It's a reference, you might know. If not, you can find it by starting with David Quinn's site.

God? That needs clarifying what you mean by god?

[Unidian]

If your life is ruined, then Nature ruined your life, which is no different from saying you ruined it yourself.

To be sure, serious philosophical thinking can end a person's viability in the social and economic world. But you must have been drawn to such thinking in order to do it. I'm sure no one forced it on you, because that's enormously difficult to do, as all thinkers know. Most people have powerful defense systems against reality and manage to avoid it quite successfully for a lifetime. They instinctively know, as we all do, that getting a dose of reality means big trouble in this world. But for whatever reason, your defense system broke down and you ended up thinking. Like falling down the stairs, it just happens sometimes. It is something all "normal" people dread and try to avoid, but as they say, "shit happens."

[divine focus]

Well, I'm not sure yet. But anytime I try to slip back into "productive mode" and try to figure out how to "make something of my life" and fill it with activities that I enjoy and will enjoy for a lifetime, I'm inevitably plagued and tortured with the idea that these meanings I'm creating and applying and living are a LIE, and so I reluctantly yet necessarily return to this inner world filled with questions and uncertainty. And time passes, and yet it seems I have done nothing. Oddly enough, I don't think I have much choice in the matter. I'm just compelled. And so it goes.

Be well,
Skipair

This feeling speaks to the myth-ness of reality. Everything really is based on belief. It's all the more reason to not give a damn and just enjoy it all! That's where meaning is. It's OK to forget the myth-ness.

You're right about having "done nothing." It doesn't matter.